


Reverse Omens

by ThatMasterOnline



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-08 00:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20984855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatMasterOnline/pseuds/ThatMasterOnline
Summary: As it says on the tin. Crowley is the angel, and Aziraphale is the demon. A series of snapshots, in chronological order, that show their relationship up to, including, and more than likely after the abotchedcalypse.





	1. The Garden

_ "Have you tried all the fruit in the garden?" He planned to tempt her, and he was too good to not succeed. _

_ "Yes, the fruit is delicious." _

_ "Have you tried the apples?" Azirafell asked, plucking an apple from The Tree. _

_ "Oh, yes," Eve had said, "They're delicious." _

_ "Were they apples from this tree?" _

_ "We're not allowed to eat from that tree." _

_ "But every apple is so different, wouldn't you agree? If two apples can taste different even if they're from the same tree, can you imagine how different this apple would taste? This tree is nowhere near the other one. Besides, if you haven't eaten the apples from  _ this tree _ , you can't say you've tried all the fruit in the garden, can you?" _

_ He had her. Hook, line, and sinker. Really, he didn't see what the problem was. It wasn't at all fair of Her to put those delicious apples in front of them and not let them eat. Food was delicious, and meant to be eaten. Azirafell had been told to cause trouble, and cause trouble he had. Besides, the two humans getting expelled from the garden couldn't have been what She wanted all along. _

_ Right? _

Azirafell flew up to where the lone angel stood, to better watch the humans leave the garden. He'd kept away from him before - he looked too stern, too imposing - but now with his temptation accomplished...there'd be no point smiting him now. Waste of effort. The angel turned to stare at the black swan when it landed, but then turned away and didn't look back, even when it transformed into a somewhat portly-looking man with blond hair and black everything else.

"...Well, that was a right disaster," the demon said, and the angel snorted in response. And then seemed to realize that he'd actually been spoken to and turned to face the demon.

"Sorry, come again?"

"I said, well that was a right disaster." The angel nodded his understanding, then turned away to watch the humans again.

"...Seems a bit much, if you ask me," The demon continued after a pause, "Sending them out into the unknown like that. It was just one apple."

"The apple was from a tree that She told them was not to be touched, and Her plans always need to be obeyed," the angel replied, somewhat curtly, and the demon sighed.

"But if her plan was for nobody to touch the tree, why put it there at all? It's food, and food is meant to be eaten. It was a waste, all that food being put there not to be eaten. Besides, what's the trouble if humans know the difference between good and evil?"

"No point guessing, you'll drive yourself mad…?" The angel trailed off, looking expectantly for a name.

"Azirafell."

"Azirafell." The angel nodded again. "Well. Her orders are absolute, and it's all part of the divine plan, that's all you need to know. The plan is far too great for anyone to know or be able to explain what it is, so there's no point in trying."

"...So the divine plan is ineffable?" Azirafell asked, his voice innocent but still somehow sarcastic. The angel cocked an eyebrow.

"...If you want to call it that, sure. It must be wrong for humans to learn about good and evil, or She wouldn't have given orders for them not to eat from the tree that would teach them about good and evil." Azirafell was listening intently, but then his attention was captured by something. Or rather, by a lack of something.

"...So sorry to interrupt, but I was under the impression you had a flaming sword earlier. Great big flaming...cutty thing. What happened to it?" The angel's mouth moved and sounds came out, as though the starts of quite a few sentences were fighting for dominance and his mouth was vocalising the whole war. To give a more literal approximation, it sounded something like:

"Ah-ih-w-a-buh-eh-n-w-"

"...Oh dear, you've lost it, haven't you." 

"...Might've given it away." The angel spoke quietly, as though hoping the demon wouldn't hear. (He did, perfectly fine. He just didn't believe it.)

"Sorry, might've  _ what _ ?"

"Oh, don't make me say it again, you heard perfectly well the first time!" The angel looked out, gesturing wildly at where the two humans were now fighting a lion with said sword. "It's dangerous out there, and Eve's gonna have kids! You think I'm gonna leave them without any way to protect their children? I'm not a monster!" There was a silence, each contemplating their recent choices.

"I do hope I haven't done something good by accident. Demons can get in a lot of trouble for that."

"You're a demon, you could help deliver a baby and nobody would see it as good," the angel quipped, and the demon smiled.

"Yes, I suppose you're right. ...Ah, sorry, I don't believe you ever told me your name."

"Right. Crowley."

"Crowley." The angel nodded, then looked away, back at the humans."

"...Hope I haven't done the wrong thing…"

"You're an angel, it's not possible for you to do the wrong thing." Still, the angel snorted.

"...Would be funny though, wouldn't it? If we both got it wrong? I did the bad thing and you did the good?" The angel laughed, and Azirafell laughed shortly along with him. He winced when Adam successfully managed to kill the lion, and then both angel and demon turned their eyes skyward.

"Looks like a storm's coming," The angel said. As rain began to fall, the demon shrank away from it, and Crowley raised his wing to cover Azirafell. Poor bastard probably thought it was holy water. Whatever. The demon hadn't tried to kill him yet, maybe they could be friends.


	2. Mesopotamia

"Ah, Crowley!"

"Azirafell." Crowley nodded in acknowledgement, his face impassive. Odd. Even at their first meeting Crowley had been more open. Azirafell wondered if it had to do with the big boat.

"Haven't seen you in a while."

"Mm." ...Yes, definitely not in the mood for conversation today, but Azirafell persisted.

"So, how did that business with the flaming sword turn out? I hope you didn't get in too much trouble for it."

"...I didn't. She hasn't mentioned it, actually." (She had. He'd lied to Her face. He felt squeamish just thinking about it. But it was true; She hadn't mentioned it since.)

"Ah, well that's good to hear. ...By the way, may I ask what's going on?" 

"Noah and his family are getting on the ark. She's (he glanced upward for emphasis) in a bit of a mood, going to flood the earth and start over."

"I'm sorry, start over?"

"Yep." There was a silence as Azirafell processed. He was starting to get a sense for why Crowley was so distant.

"...So, who else is getting on?"

"Two of every animal."

"...So Noah and his family, two of every animal, and…?"

"That's it." Oh. Well, that explained it. 

"...That's it? What do you mean that's it? Crowley, you can't seriously mean to tell me that everyone and everything with the exception of Noah's family and a few animals is going to die!"

"...Yep." 

"Well that's just...cruel. Seems more like something my lot would do."

"Well, it's part of the Plan. No point questioning it. This is just how things have to be."

"Yes, all part of her ineffable Divine Plan." Crowley let out a breath that would have been a snort any other day. Azirafell decided it was probably the most he was going to get, given the circumstances.

"What a stupid word. Ineffable." Azirafell shrugged.

"But the divine plan is ineffable, if it's too grand for anyone to speak of." Crowley sighed, and Azirafell looked up.

"...What happens after, may I ask?" He nodded to the ark to show what he meant.

"Well, Noah and his family repopulate the earth. I hear She's going to create something called a 'rainbow' as an apology afterwards."

"...Oh, well that makes everything better then," Azirafell replied with no small amount of sarcasm.

"Mm." Crowley made a noncommittal noise, watching the rapidly darkening clouds with as much emotional distance as he could muster. So he was shutting down because he didn't approve of God's plan. Perks of being a demon, you could call the Big Lady out when she was being stupid. Angels had no such luxuries. Azirafell spotted something in the distance and began to shout. A last-ditch effort to brighten Crowley's mood.

"...Oh dear, Shem! Shem! One of your unicorns has gotten loose! Hurry and- oh dear. Nevermind, it's quite gone!" The clouds rolled in, rain started to fall, and the doors of Noah's ark were preparing to close. Crowley sighed, having not even acknowledged the unicorn.

"Well, nothing to be done now," Crowley said, "You'd best head off somewhere high."

"Come with?" Azirafell offered. Crowley shook his head solemnly.

"Can't. Have to watch over Noah's family." Azirafell scoffed. Noah's family were going to be on the ark, it was everyone else that needed watching over. Azirafell shrugged in a show of nonchalance.

"Alright, well. Good luck on the ark."

"...Good luck out there." Crowley had barely looked at him the whole conversation, and Azirafell felt a twinge of pity. Not being able to voice your concerns, being forced to recite that line about the Plan in the face of this much death...it must be terribly restricting for Crowley. He hoped this "rainbow" would be enough to brighten Crowley's mood, after.

***

"Lord, please! Forgive them! For they know not what they are doing!" Azirafell came to stand next to Crowley, unusually solemn. Well, compared to the other two times they'd met.

"Come to gloat?" Azirafell asked bitterly, "Your lot put Her own son up there, don't you think it's a little much to stand there and laugh as he dies, too?"

"I don't make policy decisions," Crowley replied, a sharp edge to his tone for the first time, "I had nothing to do with this, Azirafell."

"...Oh yes, I've changed it."

"...Come again?"

"My name. Azirafell was a bit too...corny for my tastes. Aziraphale, who fell? Azirafell? Wasn't doing it for me anymore."

"Mm. So what's the new one?"

"Azra. Nice and short and sweet."

"Azra. I'll try to remember."

"Please do." They lapsed into silence, the only sounds being Jesus' screams and cries.

"...Did you ever meet him?"

"Oh yes. Lovely young man. Took him on a tour of the worlds."

"You did?"

"Well, yes. He's a carpenter from Galilee. The foods here are...limited. I broadened his horizons." More silence.

"...What did he say? That got everyone here so...riled up?" Crowley sighed heavily.

"...Be nice to eachother." Azirafell - no, Azra - quirked his lips.

"That would do it." Azra winced as Jesus' cries permeated the air. He noticed Crowley didn't look any more comfortable with this than he did. That was some small comfort, at least.


End file.
